A residency is an intense period of work, but also a reflective time. I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of artists—how hard we work and how strong and persistent (some would say stubborn!) we have to be to commit to art-making as a life’s work, but also how fragile we are. I’d guess that we all had those moments, whether publicly or privately, while at Jentel. The studio can be exhilarating and confounding, a place of pure pleasure, and of struggle, and sometimes of agonizing self-doubt. My writing class calls the self-doubt part the sh*t bird—the one that sits on your shoulder while you are working and says, “This is all sh*t! You’re not good enough! Who do you think you are?”
Perhaps these apparent contradictions are part of the dilemma of being human and not exclusive to artists, though creative life seems to embrace them more than most. In years of making art I’ve become a little (but not entirely) comfortable with these high and low swings, knowing that it will swing high again in time. And I wouldn’t miss those great times for the world. (That sounds a little like something a manic-depressive might say, doesn’t it? Not the same thing…) This seems to be the cost of heightened awareness and sensitivity, both the blessing and the curse of the artist. (Kinda like the blessing and curse of photography–once you start to see the world as potential photographs, then you see the world as potential photographs…hard to see it otherwise.) The alternative, of course, is to go through life a bit numbed down and oblivious to both the poetry and the anguish that is around us. NO! NO! NO! Difficult is not necessarily bad, it’s just, well… difficult. Easier said in good times, I know.
So Jentel was one of the high times (the creative type, not the pot type!). Gonna try to hold onto that for as long as I can.
Next adventure: a residency at Caldera Arts in the Oregon Cascade Mountains later this winter. It should be snowy (up to 6 feet!) and glorious. Stocking up on the long underwear and socks and will be posting from there after the holidays.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
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